Dear blog,
so many things changed after ausmat. my life suckzzzzz. horrible. n FML.
Well i did ausmat and i did pretty okay but it wasn't enough to enter medicine MBBS. i could do other course but not this. Why is god testing me?!? i applied to almost every freaking university in malaysia n unfortunately all of it rejected. I wanted to study in russia but parents said it is too far n not safe there. Okay and then i said okay probably indonesia according to my uncle. But i still want a well degree u know. local is far better than indonesia :( so i preffered india but somehow dad said it is better here bc his afraid that the uni i went to might be unrecognised or something like that. DAMN IT!
okay so yeah and then it was when my uncle helping me to apply to quest university perak with help of course. haihh i'll only know the results next week!!! *crossing fingers* if i really don't get this i have no choice but to go to overseas or else repeat the whole damn thing. but i guess overseas since my parents doesn't want me to waste time :'(
That was one so u can imagine me crying the whole time, depressed, n honestly i felt like commiting suicide at that time. god p
Thursday, May 17, 2012
I'm confused about love
Dear blog,
its been months now. Well i bet you know what kinda girl i am. I fell in and came out of love. Actually to rephrase it was more like a crush and its one sided. To tell you the truth i actually feel like i'm falling for D. He is a nice guy. I rejected him once due to my strict family who obviously will kill me and chop me into pieces (i thought) so after saying no. I told mum about D and surprisingly she said ok. OK! she kinda like him. so now my family members are constantly making fun of me and D excluding my dad bc he will definitely be pissed off.
So D is a nice guy. i can see he is still trying for me. He constantly texts me morning and night despite those 7 hours difference. He is in UK and i'm here. I mean is this right? I know he is a great guy even his friends said that. He is very caring and funny.Obviously the kinda guy that i wanna make a husband and a good future father perhaps? but i am actually confused. i keep on thinking there will be future guys. i mean better guy probably when im doing my degree. So i constantly deny his love for me and sometimes i feel that i love him. When there is no connection in whatsapp i kinda miss him. i constantly stare at my phone for his message. i love him.
but...
1) i don't know if his shy but he proposed me through fb message! that was a major turn off. anyway all this was before the skyping session and he didn't have my number yet.
2) He is not good looking. I know i may sound like a bitch but physical attraction does play a role. i mean honestly i feel he is cute but reality when i told my friends about him they were like eeewww and everything. i still remember my classmates was making fun of him last time.
3) long distance relationship. I don't really know whether i can do this. in a way its good coz my fly is strict n meeting up won't be a problem since he's there but at the same time can i do it?
4) is it love or lust? frankly i am quite ok. and i found out before me. he had an ex but she cheated on him. And after that he told my friend that there was this girl and he kinda likes her. and i found out that he said no to the girl bc he was not ready. and now me. i mean i know he likes me and it turns out to be that he likes me since high school even before he was with his ex but he somehow knew he was way out of my league. (i was quiet back then so i didn't stand a chance with him)
so yeah those are the few issues. god whatever it is. i am listening to u and pls provide me the right pathway :)
its been months now. Well i bet you know what kinda girl i am. I fell in and came out of love. Actually to rephrase it was more like a crush and its one sided. To tell you the truth i actually feel like i'm falling for D. He is a nice guy. I rejected him once due to my strict family who obviously will kill me and chop me into pieces (i thought) so after saying no. I told mum about D and surprisingly she said ok. OK! she kinda like him. so now my family members are constantly making fun of me and D excluding my dad bc he will definitely be pissed off.
So D is a nice guy. i can see he is still trying for me. He constantly texts me morning and night despite those 7 hours difference. He is in UK and i'm here. I mean is this right? I know he is a great guy even his friends said that. He is very caring and funny.Obviously the kinda guy that i wanna make a husband and a good future father perhaps? but i am actually confused. i keep on thinking there will be future guys. i mean better guy probably when im doing my degree. So i constantly deny his love for me and sometimes i feel that i love him. When there is no connection in whatsapp i kinda miss him. i constantly stare at my phone for his message. i love him.
but...
1) i don't know if his shy but he proposed me through fb message! that was a major turn off. anyway all this was before the skyping session and he didn't have my number yet.
2) He is not good looking. I know i may sound like a bitch but physical attraction does play a role. i mean honestly i feel he is cute but reality when i told my friends about him they were like eeewww and everything. i still remember my classmates was making fun of him last time.
3) long distance relationship. I don't really know whether i can do this. in a way its good coz my fly is strict n meeting up won't be a problem since he's there but at the same time can i do it?
4) is it love or lust? frankly i am quite ok. and i found out before me. he had an ex but she cheated on him. And after that he told my friend that there was this girl and he kinda likes her. and i found out that he said no to the girl bc he was not ready. and now me. i mean i know he likes me and it turns out to be that he likes me since high school even before he was with his ex but he somehow knew he was way out of my league. (i was quiet back then so i didn't stand a chance with him)
so yeah those are the few issues. god whatever it is. i am listening to u and pls provide me the right pathway :)
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Dissapointment at year 2012
Dear blog,
i had my downs at the end of 2011 due to finding uni. getting rejected by all the uni's to do med has obviously lead to depression and at times i felt suicide was my only option.
At i had a chance to do my foundation to do at president and that was the time when i received a call frm lincoln saying i got accepted there. they somehow said mmc will approve. I lead a happy normal,stressed student life, but i was enjoying. i hate the place at first but as time goes by and i was settling in adjusting student med life and remarkable 19 friends, i was so delighted until my dreams were shattered after 2 months + when the dean called me and my friend and said mmc didn't approve.
I knew my fucked up life b4 has arrived. I was in despair and so is my friend. They cheated on us so easily. and now my quest to search for a uni and gaining a chance has started. i feel so dumb and suiciding. friends are crying over the phone as both of us are leaving.
Why god why? i know this is a test for me from u but pls do not make it so hard. i am hoping for a local uni. the thought of going overseas kills especially going to countries such as indonesia and russia. i don't want to go. i can't bare living my family settling there for the next 5 years.
Now i am going to do smtg about this and hopefully i get a seat at mahsa pls. that is all i am hoping for!
i have not been talking to my friends and have deactivated fb and my fucking granny is calling and gonna scold me. i have been telling my friends i am sick. and gosh!! D i have feelings for D but bc of this problem i don't want to tell him and i guess he is never gonna text me again with the hope of me texting him. but seriously maybe this is the best for both of us.
i had my downs at the end of 2011 due to finding uni. getting rejected by all the uni's to do med has obviously lead to depression and at times i felt suicide was my only option.
At i had a chance to do my foundation to do at president and that was the time when i received a call frm lincoln saying i got accepted there. they somehow said mmc will approve. I lead a happy normal,stressed student life, but i was enjoying. i hate the place at first but as time goes by and i was settling in adjusting student med life and remarkable 19 friends, i was so delighted until my dreams were shattered after 2 months + when the dean called me and my friend and said mmc didn't approve.
I knew my fucked up life b4 has arrived. I was in despair and so is my friend. They cheated on us so easily. and now my quest to search for a uni and gaining a chance has started. i feel so dumb and suiciding. friends are crying over the phone as both of us are leaving.
Why god why? i know this is a test for me from u but pls do not make it so hard. i am hoping for a local uni. the thought of going overseas kills especially going to countries such as indonesia and russia. i don't want to go. i can't bare living my family settling there for the next 5 years.
Now i am going to do smtg about this and hopefully i get a seat at mahsa pls. that is all i am hoping for!
i have not been talking to my friends and have deactivated fb and my fucking granny is calling and gonna scold me. i have been telling my friends i am sick. and gosh!! D i have feelings for D but bc of this problem i don't want to tell him and i guess he is never gonna text me again with the hope of me texting him. but seriously maybe this is the best for both of us.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I rejected him but now i love him
Dear blog,
its been a really long time i didn't blog. well finally accepted into lincoln. After so much of hassle i finally am studying medical. Lovely field but requires a lot of hard work. People there are extremely nice. Still need to make friends tho. okay so today done with biochem. Not so easy but yeah i was new so my marks was not taken into account.
Okay so this guy from tuition days proposed to me through fb. pfffft i knw proposing through fb is a major turn off~~~ but i get it he's shy and just broke up with another girl. ( FYI SHE WAS A BITCH) but he likes me from last time. and i actually rejected him.
now im regretting it. i love him. we always skype about once a week. its been long he didn't watsapp. i mean total moron i tell u. hasn't he been thinking of me? :o i'm scared im falling for him n he might forget me :'(
its a silly mistake i'm afraid to commit and talking bout meeting him and all. my parents will skin me alive if they find out. but i can't stop thinking of him!!!
all the time, wake up, during the day, sleep. wtf? i know this will cause me in trouble (studies ,driving,etc) but hey i can't help it. its not easy :(
anyway i decided to tell K the guy that liked me b4 which apparently now is my best guyfren. i think i just broke his heart because i told i like the tuition guy. Ok rephrase i didn't say that. i said i regretted rejecting him. after talking to K he somehow gave an excuse n wanted to hung up :/ i feel like a bitch since he's my friend. i broke his heart :( but hey he likes so many girls b4 me. i think he will overcome, right? right? ohh god !!!!
its been a really long time i didn't blog. well finally accepted into lincoln. After so much of hassle i finally am studying medical. Lovely field but requires a lot of hard work. People there are extremely nice. Still need to make friends tho. okay so today done with biochem. Not so easy but yeah i was new so my marks was not taken into account.
Okay so this guy from tuition days proposed to me through fb. pfffft i knw proposing through fb is a major turn off~~~ but i get it he's shy and just broke up with another girl. ( FYI SHE WAS A BITCH) but he likes me from last time. and i actually rejected him.
now im regretting it. i love him. we always skype about once a week. its been long he didn't watsapp. i mean total moron i tell u. hasn't he been thinking of me? :o i'm scared im falling for him n he might forget me :'(
its a silly mistake i'm afraid to commit and talking bout meeting him and all. my parents will skin me alive if they find out. but i can't stop thinking of him!!!
all the time, wake up, during the day, sleep. wtf? i know this will cause me in trouble (studies ,driving,etc) but hey i can't help it. its not easy :(
anyway i decided to tell K the guy that liked me b4 which apparently now is my best guyfren. i think i just broke his heart because i told i like the tuition guy. Ok rephrase i didn't say that. i said i regretted rejecting him. after talking to K he somehow gave an excuse n wanted to hung up :/ i feel like a bitch since he's my friend. i broke his heart :( but hey he likes so many girls b4 me. i think he will overcome, right? right? ohh god !!!!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
My STUCK UNIVERSITY
Well im still stuck while my friends is in melaka manipal i m here stuck without a uni because of my fucking low atar in ausmat -____________-
oh well uncle is helping now. n i will only know at the end of this week. i hope i get into perak or penang. pls. god. i really dowana go overseas. pls
Monday, January 16, 2012
true love does not exist
Dear blog,
i am so not interested in love whether i feel pressured at times. my friends have bf while im single but not available.
I mean i'm waiting for the right one to come out. someone handsome, stylish, rich and romantic,loving, crazily in love with me <3
but hello all this is like what the hell...there's no one like that. someone who loves to give me flowers, rock diving, riding a horse. someone which i can proudly show and ppl will be envy.
I M SO NOT A POPULAR GIRL AT SCHOOL. but i bet if i have one and tell anyone i'm in a relationship. they will be curious and dying to know who is this quiet and single girl dating.
but life isn't easy. its not like all those romantic story where the guys are hot,perfect, and loving,romantic..
Guess i will be single for my whole life or probably forced into an arranged marriage.HUH BORING
i just wish there is one out there. loves me dance salsa on a cruise, buys for me everything and overpouring happiness and love :) haihh dream that i doubt will come true. Nobody's perfect!
i am so not interested in love whether i feel pressured at times. my friends have bf while im single but not available.
I mean i'm waiting for the right one to come out. someone handsome, stylish, rich and romantic,loving, crazily in love with me <3
but hello all this is like what the hell...there's no one like that. someone who loves to give me flowers, rock diving, riding a horse. someone which i can proudly show and ppl will be envy.
I M SO NOT A POPULAR GIRL AT SCHOOL. but i bet if i have one and tell anyone i'm in a relationship. they will be curious and dying to know who is this quiet and single girl dating.
but life isn't easy. its not like all those romantic story where the guys are hot,perfect, and loving,romantic..
Guess i will be single for my whole life or probably forced into an arranged marriage.HUH BORING
i just wish there is one out there. loves me dance salsa on a cruise, buys for me everything and overpouring happiness and love :) haihh dream that i doubt will come true. Nobody's perfect!
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