Dear blog,
so many things changed after ausmat. my life suckzzzzz. horrible. n FML.
Well i did ausmat and i did pretty okay but it wasn't enough to enter medicine MBBS. i could do other course but not this. Why is god testing me?!? i applied to almost every freaking university in malaysia n unfortunately all of it rejected. I wanted to study in russia but parents said it is too far n not safe there. Okay and then i said okay probably indonesia according to my uncle. But i still want a well degree u know. local is far better than indonesia :( so i preffered india but somehow dad said it is better here bc his afraid that the uni i went to might be unrecognised or something like that. DAMN IT!
okay so yeah and then it was when my uncle helping me to apply to quest university perak with help of course. haihh i'll only know the results next week!!! *crossing fingers* if i really don't get this i have no choice but to go to overseas or else repeat the whole damn thing. but i guess overseas since my parents doesn't want me to waste time :'(
That was one so u can imagine me crying the whole time, depressed, n honestly i felt like commiting suicide at that time. god p
Thursday, May 17, 2012
I'm confused about love
Dear blog,
its been months now. Well i bet you know what kinda girl i am. I fell in and came out of love. Actually to rephrase it was more like a crush and its one sided. To tell you the truth i actually feel like i'm falling for D. He is a nice guy. I rejected him once due to my strict family who obviously will kill me and chop me into pieces (i thought) so after saying no. I told mum about D and surprisingly she said ok. OK! she kinda like him. so now my family members are constantly making fun of me and D excluding my dad bc he will definitely be pissed off.
So D is a nice guy. i can see he is still trying for me. He constantly texts me morning and night despite those 7 hours difference. He is in UK and i'm here. I mean is this right? I know he is a great guy even his friends said that. He is very caring and funny.Obviously the kinda guy that i wanna make a husband and a good future father perhaps? but i am actually confused. i keep on thinking there will be future guys. i mean better guy probably when im doing my degree. So i constantly deny his love for me and sometimes i feel that i love him. When there is no connection in whatsapp i kinda miss him. i constantly stare at my phone for his message. i love him.
but...
1) i don't know if his shy but he proposed me through fb message! that was a major turn off. anyway all this was before the skyping session and he didn't have my number yet.
2) He is not good looking. I know i may sound like a bitch but physical attraction does play a role. i mean honestly i feel he is cute but reality when i told my friends about him they were like eeewww and everything. i still remember my classmates was making fun of him last time.
3) long distance relationship. I don't really know whether i can do this. in a way its good coz my fly is strict n meeting up won't be a problem since he's there but at the same time can i do it?
4) is it love or lust? frankly i am quite ok. and i found out before me. he had an ex but she cheated on him. And after that he told my friend that there was this girl and he kinda likes her. and i found out that he said no to the girl bc he was not ready. and now me. i mean i know he likes me and it turns out to be that he likes me since high school even before he was with his ex but he somehow knew he was way out of my league. (i was quiet back then so i didn't stand a chance with him)
so yeah those are the few issues. god whatever it is. i am listening to u and pls provide me the right pathway :)
its been months now. Well i bet you know what kinda girl i am. I fell in and came out of love. Actually to rephrase it was more like a crush and its one sided. To tell you the truth i actually feel like i'm falling for D. He is a nice guy. I rejected him once due to my strict family who obviously will kill me and chop me into pieces (i thought) so after saying no. I told mum about D and surprisingly she said ok. OK! she kinda like him. so now my family members are constantly making fun of me and D excluding my dad bc he will definitely be pissed off.
So D is a nice guy. i can see he is still trying for me. He constantly texts me morning and night despite those 7 hours difference. He is in UK and i'm here. I mean is this right? I know he is a great guy even his friends said that. He is very caring and funny.Obviously the kinda guy that i wanna make a husband and a good future father perhaps? but i am actually confused. i keep on thinking there will be future guys. i mean better guy probably when im doing my degree. So i constantly deny his love for me and sometimes i feel that i love him. When there is no connection in whatsapp i kinda miss him. i constantly stare at my phone for his message. i love him.
but...
1) i don't know if his shy but he proposed me through fb message! that was a major turn off. anyway all this was before the skyping session and he didn't have my number yet.
2) He is not good looking. I know i may sound like a bitch but physical attraction does play a role. i mean honestly i feel he is cute but reality when i told my friends about him they were like eeewww and everything. i still remember my classmates was making fun of him last time.
3) long distance relationship. I don't really know whether i can do this. in a way its good coz my fly is strict n meeting up won't be a problem since he's there but at the same time can i do it?
4) is it love or lust? frankly i am quite ok. and i found out before me. he had an ex but she cheated on him. And after that he told my friend that there was this girl and he kinda likes her. and i found out that he said no to the girl bc he was not ready. and now me. i mean i know he likes me and it turns out to be that he likes me since high school even before he was with his ex but he somehow knew he was way out of my league. (i was quiet back then so i didn't stand a chance with him)
so yeah those are the few issues. god whatever it is. i am listening to u and pls provide me the right pathway :)
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