true love does not exist

Dear blog,
i am so not interested in love whether i feel pressured at times. my friends have bf while im single but not available.
I mean i'm waiting for the right one to come out. someone handsome, stylish, rich and romantic,loving, crazily in love with me <3
but hello all this is like what the hell...there's no one like that. someone who loves to give me flowers, rock diving, riding a horse. someone which i can proudly show and ppl will be envy.
I M SO NOT A POPULAR GIRL AT SCHOOL. but i bet if i have one and tell anyone i'm in a relationship. they will be curious and dying to know who is this quiet and single girl dating.
but life isn't easy. its not like all those romantic story where the guys are hot,perfect, and loving,romantic..
Guess i will be single for my whole life or probably forced into an arranged marriage.HUH BORING
i just wish there is one out there. loves me dance salsa on a cruise, buys for me everything and overpouring happiness and love :) haihh dream that i doubt will come true. Nobody's perfect!

applying for uni with a low atar

Dear blog,
i am totally depressed. haihh sad. i had an atar of 74.15 and i can't seem to apply anywhere.
IMU said no they need an atar of 85
monash said no. they need 97.5

as soon as this 2 unis rejected me i was down. LIKE TOTALLY DOWN
i have to spend another 8 months doing foundation in science at mahsa since they rejected my application!!! they said they need 65 for each 3 subjects!!! fuck la
where the hell is that possible!!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean this is AUSMAT getting 65 for each sub is not easy for heaven sake!!!
i just don't know why... maybe i am gonna get rejected for everything!
i feel so sad. i had just done my ielts and im feeling extremely down
one after another rejection
and my hope was mahsa...and they turned me down
damn sad..
i cry everyday and regret taking ausmat
NEVER TAKE IT. ITS A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY AND ONLY MAKES IT COMPLICATED
fuck la!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haihh my dad is sulking and my mum is down and they both are argueing about me!!!
i just cant take it...i feel like dying at times.
my only hope is my uncle and i hope he won't let me down at all. pls god don't be so mean to me :'(
fine if not mahsa pls MSU
or else UCSI OR CYBERJAYA PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS :'(

end of ausmat~ low atar

So results were out on the 29th of dec (supposedly) but it was out on the 28th evening!!! so i was hesitant. scary of course. i saw everyone status on fb. there were those who scored and those who did badly and those who still does not want to check like me. So finally i had the balls to check.

  it was around 10 smtg when i decided to check and i had a fucking marks who fucked up my life. i studied hard and i had a low atar. i only had 74.15!!! what the fuck?!? i was devastated. not even >75
and i checked my marks i sucked in my chem only 49.8 and maths 52.1 and it was D
so 2 D!!!fucked up